Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Total Complete Muppet For Hire

If we were to select a favourite left wing extremist, then it would be Matty from Hope Not Hate.  Matty met his partner in crime Nick Lowles in a muddy field in Glastonbury when they were both the worse for wear and were rolling around in the mud fighting over a tin of special brew that some hippies had left behind.  Matty then caroused his way around the world with his pet monkey working as a circus clown.

There was a time when Matty tried to get in bed with some Nazi skinheads in a bed and breakfast in Munich, and ended up being the victim of a vicious assault, which was a result of his own deviant tendencies.  Matty even stormed the local police station when his pet monkey was taken into custody after it threw excrement at an off duty police officer who was out walking his dog, but it turned out to be the wrong police station.

Then Matty took to writing letters to the local paper claiming to be related to Quentin Crisp, but the letters were never published, Matty then tried to martyr himself by throwing himself in the local canal late one night, but the canal had been drained the week before and he got stuck in the mud and had to be rescued by the local fire brigade.  Six weeks later after the botched suicide attempt, Matty re surfaced with an asylum seeker called "Johnny Foreigner" who had escaped persecution from his next door neighbour`s cousin`s uncle`s cat who had been calling him nasty names.  Matty now believes that he his some type of respectable person for hire and was recently seen entering the Hope Not Hate offices with brochures advertising holidays in Thailand and Brighton

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Michael Jackson Was A Nazi And A Fascist Written By Martin Smith`s Underpants

When Michael Jackson faked his own death in order to deceive the world, he secretly set up far right headquarters in an abandoned factory near the river Thames in London.  Jackson being a dedicated Nazi donated money to Nick Griffin and the National Front.  A long time ago Jackson had his skin bleached because he was ashamed of being Black.  Jackson also used to rob banks disguised as the elephant man from the 1980 film.  The style of robbery Jackson used was unique, Jackson would walk into a bank with a banana covered over with handkerchief, he would then tell the cashier that he knew where they lived, a number of gullible bank staff fell for the routine and handed the money over which would then be sent over to Nick Griffin.  Jackson has now gone one stage further and had a head transplant using a deceased Nazi skinhead`s head.
To add authenticity to his appearance Jackson is now talking in a German accent and attending White power meetings in Europe where he has become increasingly vocal against immigration and labelled Europe`s Roma population "thieves" and "degenerates".  Michael also enjoys listening to Nazi group "Skrewdriver" and the song "When The Boat Comes In" is a favourite of his.  Jackson also attacks members of the Roma community by "steaming" in on them when they are selling copies of the big issue magazine, Jackson enjoys hearing the screams as he kicks them with his steel toe capped boots.  On Friday afternoon when local Muslims are attending the mosque, Jackson shouts abuse at them telling them to go back to Pakistan on a one way ticket.  At nationalist Meetings Jackson has criticised certain sections of the far right for selling out and buying cocaine of ethnic drug dealers to snort before going on demonstrations, Michael stated that this was unacceptable and directly funding the enemy.